Barbershop Talk

Barber Shop Talk
BY: John L. & Monty


Monty: Say son about 3 months ago I met this chick, she bad as a Harley and hella thick! Whenever I see her, I always leave with a big Kool-Aid smile because real talk son she a pleaser... In my opinion she the baddest in the city cuz not only is she smart but she hella pretty… nigga I know u get me!

John: Yea I get u... Reminds me of my girl that just texted me I miss u. Skin softer than tissue. I met her out in Mischou... Yea… It was at a gas station. She was eye'n but some cat was mad hatin... I waited with patience told the clerk give me 20 on 2. I can hear the clerk say girl he cute...right... So she come runnin... Excuse me, u forgot ur receipt... I said thanks ur sweet... She asked my name... We played the flirting game... Which made me wonder... Should I get her number... So I did... Ya dig

Monty: Lol haha yeah man keep it the player way... Keep her on hold like she on layaway... Play all nonchalant but look her n the face but as a matter of fact I did that the other day but anyway... My nigga how bout I just found out the chick who was a pleaser ain’t nothn but a gold digger! Lol I guess my swag made her figure that I had some figures... she can keep it up but ima keep on dickn her...

John: Ha... That’s what it is, get in where u fit in... If it’s gold she’s diggin... Pull out a magnum and tell her dig in... But this girl im diggin only want friendship... But she fucks me like we're endless... So I had to end it... Cuz see she’s a freak... And usually that’s what I need but her girl told me she does homie down the street. So now im like damn but I got a good hand... Like spades I got 4 and two possible... I didn’t even count her so… Im not gone lose... Hmm... Which one should I choose?

Monty: Lol haha yeaaaaahhhhh oh trust… I’m gonna keep gettn me! After this 1 ima get 2 more, no 3! Naaaahhhh eff it lets make it a whole team! The starting lineup is 4 queens. Yeah and the ace of spades! Yeah that's my 1 guard so out of a week I play her for 5 days! U do the math... after I kick it with my ace that leaves room for 2 a day so hmmmm... After one leave the crib the other come and chill now that's real....

John: Bout as real as last year... Remember the trip to Cancun? I know u do... Cuz we had mo Spanish chicks on our stick than May 5th... Remember one asked us did we ever play hide the piñata? We said no then her and her friend showed us how they could swallow. We was wild'n... Come to think of it one of um stay here... I saw her last week buyin beer... Up in Wal-Mart... She had on some high shorts... Eyes was poppin like pop tarts... Knowin I already got her... I slapped her on the ass. She screamed Ai papi! Hows my piñata?

Monty: Lol ohhhhhhhh son u remember the boriquan?! Chick wasn't nothn but a chicken head like that one hit wonder J kwon! Lmfao! Nah but for real that Dominican though? Yeah I remember she had that super human throat! That chick was bionic when she was on the dick... I ain’t gon lie she rode it like a soldier until she made me salute and throw up that white flag but she always talkn bout ya boy swag! How it was mean! How it was potent that it almost made her O.D.! lol man these females a trip but u know what my nigga as long as l'm me they gon stay on my tip!

John: Yea they r a trip and I had many journeys... I have this one chick in school say she wanna be an attorney... So we role play right? I be the defendant and she’s the prosecutor... That’s why I like to do her... She come to the bedroom wearin suits and glasses... And son u should see how big her ass is... Im talkin so big she could claim it on her taxes... And her waist is mad thin... Light skinned... With eyes to match it... Hair darker than burnt matches... And longer than a giraffe is... Now that’s a bad bitch!

Monty: Yeaaahhhhh man I had a chick with an ass like that! It was so soft like silk I used to love hittn it from the back! lol I had to approach it like a sneak attack but as a matter of fact she had that pied piper! I mean every nigga who saw her (some females too) just followed and tried to pipe her... her name is... Well I ain't gonna say no names for her sake but if u saw that ass it shook like an earthquake! Well maybe we talkn bout the same chick son! Sharing is caring in my opinion... Maaaaan but let me tell u bout this Asian... I swear she was half woman and half amazing! When I say she was easy on the eyes, the most beautiful smile that'll make a nigga wanna cry! Naaaaaahh im lien!

John: Speakin of Asian remember Tsi who was half Thai... Her daddy was some famous black guy... But we always felt it was a lie... Ne way ran into her the other day... I was buying this cheesecake for a cheap date... That’s when I heard a voice say... U buyin that for me? I said no this for umm... Me... She said u lien... U don’t eat this remember... I said oh yea u got me... She said I do... Now u owe me... Next thing u know we in the bathroom rolling... She showed me her "toe" ring and rode me slowly...I said where u goin she said to the moon cuz she was climbin... I told her let me get behind it... And watch u back it up and dump it. Back back it up and dump it!

Monty: Lol haha yeah I remember Tsi... Slim waste, cute face with long ass hair? Psh man if u ask me she don't care cuz she would let u smash anywhere! Right here, over there! On top of the trees, in the air... Like l'm Tarzan and she Jane... Ooohhhhh speaking of Jaaannnneee!!!! This white girl I met the other daaayyyyy! U don't know a freak until u met her! She said she like the size of it *wink* and the girth... but for what it’s worth! She was one of them broads that loved the earth! A lil too much though! Kinda like a hippie... she wanted me to do some off the wall stuff like a masquerade orgy... I ain’t gon lie I had to try! And I can't lie again it was kinda fly! But son never again... Oh yeah u remember Danielle and Michelle, them twins?! Ooohhhh that baddest twins I ever saw! But Danielle she always like to claw! Well my back that is whenever I went deep.. Lol she always tried to keep quiet and make not a peep... Quite unsuccessful my nigga... So whatever happened to u and Michelle?! Last thing I heard she was bout to go to jail! Smh... foolishness!

John: Man last time I checked Michelle still workin at the hotel. As for jail if so... Oh well... But I must tell... That pussy was swell... By the way I smashed Danielle... I thought she was the other twin bruh. They pulled a switch like ya girl nem on Sister Sister... But shit bruh... We need to find us some mo twins... I saw two at the gym... Both slim... And they had a friend... I ain't get the number cuz my other girl was in there. But look if u get um we'd be in there...

Monty: Lol I mean that's my type of party! More chicks than dicks that's a meal that's hearty! That's a breakfast, lunch and dinner that's fit for a king! Oh did I ever tell u that this chick told me she want me to lick on her clit ring? But I talked my way out of it cuz I got more game then Beijing... but she loved it when I hit it from the back and when I beat it up she used to say slam dat cat! And I ain't gon lie that cat was faaaaaat! She nick named it Fiji cuz it gets wet as water and when she climbing to the top she always calln on the father and that's when I start beatn it harder and harder!

John: If I was u I would have played it smarter... I would have licked her ring... Cuz see if ur tongue could make her scream, u'd be able to get anything... Out her... But never the less no stress... Let me tell u bout this model I met... She was fresh to death... Everything about her was sexy. She even had a pretty neck... I was at the bank depositing a check... She handed me a deposit slip... I said thank u miss... She said please, call me tiff... She wrote her number on a slip... I was so happy I could've skipped... But I played it cool like a pimp... I was like aight... I'll call u later...later came she asked me to come over... I get over there I felt a certain aura... Candles burnin I was like ok...I can hear R. Kelly in the background... U know... 12 play... To make a long story short... I got smart and got so much pie that I couldn’t walk...

Monty: Ooh model!? Lemme tell u bout this story in full throttle... Psh this chick named Courtney! Caramel skin with hazel, green eyes... A gaze that'll make u wanna die... She was surgical with it like a head doctor! She really was my head doctor so I cleaned her like a rug doctor and I broke her off real proper! She said Montrell u was the best I ever had but son the day after on a Sunday she was just a big NAG!!! I was like c'mon man football on! Then she turned the TV so nigga I had to get mobile like Exxon... But I ain’t gon lie she knocked ya boy dome off that night! So good that I couldn't even fight but too bad I had to get light!

John: I gotta get right! Damn look at her over there with her son... I know she not gettin a cut... Bet I could cut...But son I gotta duck cuz I gotta a date at one... She might be the one... So ill holla... One...

Monty: Aight im bout to get ghost too son! One...


okay p.s people this is not true by no means.... not to offend any females but its a story... NOT REALITY! lol